Overview
Human beings are social. We all feel a deep need for attachment and communication. After all, without the others, we could not survive. During youth, it is the attachment to parents and other adults who care for us most important. Later, friends and comrades are added, and then, in adulthood, this attachment is concentrated on romantic partners.
Since attachment is one of our deepest needs, it is normal to fear its absence and rejection or abandonment. For people with borderline personality traits, these fears can be overwhelming and extreme.
People with borderline personality traits are very sensitive people. They are particularly vulnerable to rejection; thus, they may feel rejected by a person, even if that was not their intention at all. This perception can cause relationship problems.
When things are going well, it is stimulating and enjoyable to hang out with people with borderline personality traits. They value their friends and other relatives very much and tend to idealize them. They, therefore, derive a deep sense of importance.
It is quite different when the situation is less rosy. People who have borderline personality traits can feel very angry and easily change their emotional demeanor if they feel poor(sometimes because of disagreement). For example :
- his feelings of happiness may suddenly give way to feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts;
- he can suddenly get angry with people he liked and start to hate them.
Unfortunately, these people can exhibit behavior that results in precisely what they fear – abandonment and rejection. Indeed, this fear can give rise to negative behaviors (for example, they become too overwhelming and jealous), making them difficult to associate with.
How do I know if my loved one has borderline personality traits?
People with borderline personality traits exhibit the following characteristics.
- They are very concerned about being rejected or abandoned. This is why they are sometimes very demanding. They often need reassurance, which is sometimes difficult to understand.
- They have difficulty dealing with their emotions (for example, controlling their intense emotions and anger). It’s okay to care about the people in our lives, and it’s important to be upset when we are having relationship issues because it motivates us to fix them. However, the extreme emotions of people with borderline personality traits can be problematic.
- They can have impulsive and dangerous behaviors. People with borderline personality traits may engage in negative behaviors (such as self-harm or drug and alcohol use) to control their intense emotions. However, in the long run, these negative behaviors end up causing more problems.
Adolescence comes with many changes, not least in the way young people react to people and situations. For this reason, psychologists and psychiatrists generally do not make an official diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) in young people under the age of 18.
Examples of borderline personality traits:
- Intense and frequent mood swings;
- Difficulty managing anger;
- Feeling of loneliness and inner emptiness;
- Fear of feeling alone rejected, or abandoned, to the point where the person does everything possible to avoid becoming so;
- Relationships shifting from one extreme to the other (from deep love to intense hatred for the same person);
- Problems resulting from impulsive behavior (the adolescent acts without thinking);
- Frequent thoughts of suicide or self-harm (the teenager cuts himself, for example).
In the family of someone with borderline personality traits, it sometimes feels as though we have to walk on eggshells’.
Causes of the appearance of borderline personality traits?
Many theories have been proposed on this subject, but the appearance of these traits is probably due to the conjunction of several factors such as The following :
• Family history. People with borderline personality traits appear to have a very intense emotional system or temperament. This characteristic tends to be family. Indeed, up to half of the family members of young people with these traits also have a system of very intense emotions. In human relationships, it is good to be sensitive; however, extreme sensitivity can be problematic.
• Life events. Many young people with borderline personality traits have already suffered abuse or trauma.
Other issues
People with borderline personality traits often have other problems, including:
- anxiety disorders;
- substance addiction;
- mood disorders (such as depression);
- eating disorders (usually binge eating or bulimia, but sometimes anorexia nervosa).
Are Borderline Personality Traits Common?
Researchers also estimate that one or two in 100 adults have a borderline personality disorder (BPD). Recent studies show that more women have BPD; however, more women are seeing professionals for treatment.
How is the diagnosis made?
If you believe your loved one has some of the borderline personality traits mentioned above, ask a psychologist or psychiatrist to assess them. It’s best to do this as soon as possible instead of waiting for the problems to worsen. A specialist can give the young person support and strategies to help them (and their family) adjust to their situation.
Will my loved one’s condition improve?
Most young people who receive proper treatment improve. Those who do not receive treatment are at higher risk for aggression, criminal behavior, mental health problems, suicide, homelessness, and relationship problems.
In adults, borderline personality disorder symptoms are the most intense during the first years of adulthood. However, most affected people have more stable lives and emotions in their 30s and 40s. New and more effective therapies, such as Medication Assisted Treatment, described later, can help young people recover faster. This therapy allows them to learn skills that will help them build a truly worth living life.
Treatment
1. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT teaches people to accept themselves without judging themselves and change their problematic behaviors to promote their personal goals. It also includes awareness-raising for parents and family members. People who take DBT learn many techniques that will help them manage their intense emotional systems, such as:
- the practice of meditative mindfulness;
- interpersonal efficiency;
- tolerance to distress;
- modulation of emotions.
2. Psychodynamic therapy and interpersonal therapy
A therapist who is trained to perform DBT can be hard to find. However, other types of therapy may be helpful for young people with borderline personality traits. Most therapists use a variety of therapies depending on their training and the situation of your loved one.
3. Medicines
There are no medicines designed specifically for the treatment of people with borderline personality traits. However, medication for anxiety or depression may be helpful if psychotherapy is not effective.
Techniques relating to dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
The practice of meditative mindfulness
People with borderline personality traits can get bogged down in their intense and distressing emotions. “I feel terrible… I’m a bad person. “
Practicing meditative mindfulness can help young people escape this state of mind. She helps them deal with their emotions through different techniques. ” I feel very bad. Everyone would feel like this in my situation. Here’s what I’m going to do to get out of it … “
One of the fundamental strategies of DBT is the practice of meditative mindfulness. Here is what it consists of.
- The person practices focusing on the present moment instead of thinking about the past or the future and worrying about it. He concentrates on his body (images, sounds, bodily sensations, breathing), putting aside other thoughts to calm his worries.
- The person learns to see themselves and the world in a way that will help them accept themselves, without criticizing or passing judgment
Tolerance of distress
For people with borderline personality traits, conflict and day-to-day issues can feel like life and death situations. They tend to react quickly to reduce their emotional distress. Unfortunately, these reactions usually do not resolve these issues in the end.
With support, people can learn to tolerate intense emotions without taking actions that make it worse.
Modulation of emotions
Modulating your emotions is:
- manage them to use them more effectively;
- balance them to prevent them from becoming too strong. In this way, the young person can remain calm and rational even in emotionally demanding situations.
1. Recognize your emotions.
“I am upset and angry because my sister did not greet me in front of other family members. “
2. Accept your emotions.
“It’s normal to be upset in such a situation. “
3. Being able to calm down when you are very upset.
“I’m too angry to do anything now. I’ll go calm down in the bathroom to avoid reacting too quickly. “
4. Choose an appropriate reaction.
“Maybe she’s mad at me, or she’s too busy talking with the other guests.” The safest part to do is always nice. When the situation is calmer, we will have a one-on-one chat and see what happened. She might be angry now, but if I’m nice and helpful, she’ll apologize later. “
Types of emotion modulation strategies taught in DBT:
- Build good emotional reserves by doing things that make you less vulnerable to strong and negative emotions (e.g., eat well and get enough sleep).
- Ask whether you feel the emotions are “completely normal” under the circumstances. If so, the young person should act accordingly; otherwise, he can learn to change his emotions by focusing on opposing emotions.
Positive adaptation
Young people can learn many ways to deal with their difficulties and problems in a more constructive way.
Activities (behavioral activation)
It is unproductive to remain passive and constantly think about the things that concern us. Keeping busy is a great way to deal with stress.
Problems solving
- What is the problem?
- What is my goal?
- What are the solutions that would allow me to achieve this goal?
- What are the advantages and disadvantages of each solution?
- Did the chosen solution work? Should I try something else?
Awareness exercises
These exercises aim to make contact with the present moment. For example: ” What day is it? We are Saturday. Where am I? I’m in the living room. What’s in the room? I see the couch, the table, and my cup of coffee. “
Relaxation exercises
- Deep breathing
- Gradual relaxation
- The practice of meditative mindfulness
Social support
- Spend time with family and friends.
- Confide in loved ones during difficult times.
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